"it comes when it comes," my very-much-in-love-friend said with a smile. "i didn't search for it, it came to me." she flashed another smile. those two sentences felt like a knife through my chest. so, i'm just supposed to wait? i don't want to wait no more. i've been waiting and searching for many years. i want to be able to continue feel, touch and taste the "love" that is supposed to be out there. because love, that is what i've answered when people ask what i think life is all about. but now i don't know anymore. because i can't keep hoping, waiting and praying for it to appear forever. because then i will die without having to experience life, since the whole meaning with life is just that- love. it hurts for me to realise that love is all around me but somehow i'm not even allowed to have a tiny, small piece.
but i know, you are crying too. let me just spread out my feeling nonsensely.
should i give up on love, or die trying? i wanna say sorry to everyone who loves me because i'm thinking of suicide once. i needa deep breath now. ciaoooo..
-ashlynn. via. 2316.
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